Twilights-moon

I try to be so strong, ya know. I mean everyone expects me to be. I don't say anything when I'm being berated, I don't usually do anything when I'm shoved or knocked down, not unless I'm in a really shity mood. I try to be the bigger person. But one thing I can't stand is when someone tells me that I am not allowed to be me. Who the hell do they think they are? I mean really? Normally, I would give that person a piece of my mind, but it wasn't just anybody. It was my parents. To be honest, I'm not surprised, but it hurts like hell nonetheless. I was on vacation last week, so Saturday to Saturday. We hadn't been on the road more than maybe three hours and we had stopped at a rest stop. While I was walking up to wash my hands the person next to me jumped. I looked over at her and smiled just to be nice, that is a good thing last time I checked, but she didn't smile back. Instead, she grabbed her kids hand and backed away from me. Now, oh yes, now I was annoyed. And apparently that was a bad thing because when my parents asked what was wrong and I explained it, they told me it was me. The way I dress. My black hair. Personally, there was nothing wrong with what I was wearing. In fact, it was a toned down version of what I would usually wear. I thought it was cute. Mike, my horrid stepfather, told me I was a grotesque looking and that it was no surprise. I got pissed and shoved my music in my ears. I seriously tried to hold down my emotions. We went out to dinner later, I think it was the next day, and you know what he said to me. He said, "You embarass me. I can't stand to go out in public with you." And I was sitting there like 'what the shit!' He literally reduced me to tears in a resturant! In a freakin' public area where everyone was staring at us. I told him I didn't want to be something I wasn't, I didn't want to be fake. "Be fake, be fake." that was his response. The man didn't let me leave the stupid vacation house without inspecting what I was wearing to make sure I was perfect!! I hate it!!! I mean what the fuck!! The best part is when my mother basically confessed that she lied to me. She made me believe that she was finally excepting me and letting me dress the way I want to. But I was stupid to believe that load of bullshit. No her real intentions (mind you she told me this herself) was to allow me to humiliate myself and be a laughing stock. She wanted me to "experience the real world" so long as I was in this "phase". FUCK! I'm screwed then aren't I? Let me tell you, all who read this, I am who I am and if you have a problem with it, shove it up your ass! If you don't then please come talk to me, I would love to hear from you "Freaks" as my parents call you. It's bullshit, frankly. So what, we wear dark clothing or skinny jeans. SO WHAT if we have piercing and tatoos out the wazoo. WHO GIVES A SHIT!!! What counts is what's on the inside. That's what makes us who we are. Our personalities and how we interact with our friends, not people in general, our friends. I don't act the same around people I don't know as a pose to my friends. Very different. I am so DAMN tired of being strong and holding my emotions inside me. I'm seriously about to blow a gasket. And you know what really sucks? That no one is here to help me. No one. Now if your sitting there thinking "Oh what a pity me party" go fuck yourself, please. I've had enough of people telling me that for one damn day! I am not pitying myself. I don't want your pity or anyone elses. What I want is someone to talk to and to help me. Not the other way around for once. I am tired of just being the "Simple Sally" advice girl. I may look scary but really I'm a nice person, I swear; just a little angry and disgruntled and confused and a whole fucking mess right now. You tell me how you feel when everyday you wake up you have to deal with those asine faces that sneer and judge. You tell me how you feel when everyday your told your not good enough for anyone, no guys is ever going to want you, and you'll end up a miserable, negative old hag with nowhere to live. You tell me how you feel when your "friends" suddenly stop wanting to hang out with you because you're able to finally be yourself, dress the way you want. Tell me how you feel when you supposed best friends starts jabbing you with daggers right through the heart because she suddenly became a uncaring, self-concerned bitch in front of your other friends and in front of one of their parents. I thought my life was getting better but frankly its not! I am about as lonely as one gets with no safe haven to run to and escape. I live in an area filled with preps who hate me for being me. Where my school is crawling with them and there's only a handful of unique and real people. I need someone I really do, but the way I see it, I'll never, ever get the chance because I am not good enough. I'm not pretty or attractive nor am I anything special. I'm a plain jain with nothing to offer. And every boy I've ever liked, well except for one, has looked right passed me. I'm invisible to them. But thats okay right? It's not like I have a choice, right? Heh, yeah...thats it.

Just when everything seems so right
and nothing can go wrong
that large black hand to my hope, like a flame, does smight
My strength is now gone
and Alone am I
in this circle of hate
the unseen beings my ropes do tie
they drag me across the hard, uneven ground to that charred black gate
where inside the flames do smolder
the last of my will begins to fade
I want to cry, but there is no shoulder
The tall dark figure offers to me a game I have played
many times without a single win
but do I dare
commit the act I know is sin
into those stealy blades I do stare
I long for its eminant release
Oh
but my soul would never be at ease
that for sure I know
What will I do
can I face this hell alone
or do I bide it aidu
for now, at least, my empty shell shall roam.

Little girl sitting alone
In the dark corners of her mind
Tears running down her face because she can't find her place

But what difference does it make
If she does or she doesn't
But what difference does it make
If she's happy or not
But what difference does it make

Little boy standing before his aflamed home
An old church where orphans go
With anger and hate shaking his body
He vows for revenge

But what difference does it make
If he accomplishes his goal
But what difference does it make
If he's all alone in the this world
But what difference does it make

Young girl clings to hope
That someone she loves will love her back
She looks up to them
But they don't even acknowledge her existance

But what difference does it make
If they return her love or not
But what difference does it make
If she never loves again
But what difference does it make

Young boy standing in a field of blood
His enemies slain adn his conscience blurred
His eyes are cold and lifeless
Though his heart still beats

But what difference does it make
If he kills to prove his existance
But what difference does it make
If he feels like a monster
But what difference does it make

We live in a world that is rotten
Where those with innocent hearts are forgotten
And people walk through life without a purpose
In a world where people never see past the surface
Where every individual is the same as the next
Where no one cares whose lives they affect
Because in the end, most people in this world are fake
But then again...What difference does it make

Love, what is love?
What does love bring?
Does it fly like the white dove
And its sweet song sing?
Is there a place for it
In our hearts?
Is it warm like a fire lit?
Or is it sweet and sour like candy tarts?
Can love be for everyone?
Or is it for a few?
Is love stronger for some
And weaker for you?
Does it burn bright
Like stars in the night sky
To shine on your path some light?
Is it bold or is it shy?
Can it see you through
the darkest moments?
Can it cheer you when you're blue?
Is it heaven sent?
Or is it a trick from the evil one?
Can love kill a person?
Is it a gift from the son?

I don't know; I haven't found it yet.

Hello all! This is CrimsonChimeraMuse writing via my friend's account, Twilights-moon. I doubt anyone out there in cyberspace has missed me or realized I was gone but it's nice to be on anyhow. What happened to me, you ask? Well, that's for me to know and you to spend countless, sleepless nights wondering.

Yes, hello all!  This is Twilights-moon and most of the time I have nothing to say.  But lately, people have been pissing me off.  What about you, CCM?

Yes, T-m, people are quite skilled at pissing the rest of us off or just around us. Personally I've been pissed off, and pissed on, by many idiots. Quite frankly, I think it's time that it stops or something bad might happen to their person...

Oh, I quite agree.  I don't know about you, but I've found it quite hard lately to keep my calm.  I don't think people know the difference between ignorance and stupidity!  I am about to go out of my !#$$@!@@$$@!...um yes, my mind.

Well, you know what they say: ignorance is piss...At least I think that's the right saying. *insert sarcasm* Anywho, I think I'm glad that it is so easy to spot a stupid person. All you have to do is listen to them talk and we all know how much stupid people love to talk. Sometimes, they don't know when to keep their mouths shut. I hate how people get annoyed when they're talking so loud and you tell them to "shh." They look at you like you have two heads. Sometimes I wish I could shove that "shh" so far up their @$$ that they will never speak again.

Yes, that would be a wonderful thing.  I love how in class the teacher never calls on the smart people, just the stupid ones.  And then we all laugh at what they say, or at least the other 'so-called' smart people.  Oh and another thing about stupid people is they have huge egos.  I mean, what is so great about missing a vital organ?  How do they even function?  I don't know, but I'd like to take that ego and pop it!  But then again, I might get stupidity all over me and my IQ might drop more than being in the same room as them!

Oh dear! That would be a horrible thing. I also hate it that when I answer something wrong when I'm not thinking clearly, someone has to say something like "No, that's wrong." Um, excuse me but I believe my grade, and my brain, is bigger than yours. So please sit down and shut up before I start thinking clearly again.

HAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!  If only we could say that to them and not get in trouble!  That brings up another great point.  The stupid people hardly ever get in trouble or blamed.  Not rather, blame the smart person who would actually think before they act!

It's because their brains are so small that they would be discouraged at the tiniest little put-down. Or maybe their bladders are just too small and the adults just want to save them the embarrassment of pissing themselves in public. If that's the problem, just go get some Pampers or Depends instead of tampons or pads.

I don't think they would be able to work either of those!  They'd probably tke them out of the package and put it on their heads.  THen we'd have to take them by the hand and say gently, "No, honey, that's not where that goes.  Want me to show you or are you going to ACTUALLY GROW UP AND LEARN HOW TO USE THE BRAIN GOD GAVE YOU!!!!"  Yes, that would be a quick resolution.

I actually think that it would be funny to let them walk into school with it on their heads. That would be one prom night to remember!

Ah! the good times!  I think I feel better...maybe...Yeah...

Well, I don't know about you but the image of a blonde bimbo with a pamper's strapped to her head like a helmet has made me feel loads better. Ha!

Yes, I agree!  And so ends our colorful rant!  Good-bye stupid people...uh...I mean- Bye-Bye!

Aloha! See you next time from CrimsonChimeraMuse. Thank you, my wonderful fans. You are all too kind. *insert sarcasm*

Signing out! T-m